International Women’s Day and March is International Women’s Month. Even more than usual, I’ve been thinking about women, our condition and position on the planet, our power and our pain. i want to honor and commemorate this day and this month and I’ve decided one way for me to do that is by speaking to women about women.
First of all, women are the bomb. We are wonderful. We are the cat’s meow. Every single one of us. We need to come together in connection. The world — this beautiful and mucked up world — needs us to heal it. For goodness sakes, it certainly can’t keep going the way it’s been going! But we can’t do that until we start healing ourselves. Men are great and some of them have actually learned to get along with us (kudos to them ’cause it ain’t easy), but they don’t really understand us. Every woman needs a girlfriend, another woman to help her… be. That’s’ why I became a personal coach – to help women move from pain to power. So, for IWD 2017, I put together a few ideas I hope will help in that journey. These are three basic truths I hope every woman who doesn’t know these will accept and internalize. I discovered these in my own journey from pain to power. I started as a painfully shy, reserved, unhappy person with the lowest of self-esteem. People who know me are shocked to hear that because most would describe me as outgoing, gregarious, confident, optimistic and happy. I’m still on that journey because I believe it never ends, but I’ve gone from feeling worthless to wonderful. You can too. Here is how you start:
- You are gorgeous. You are beautiful, both inside and out. You are kind, loving and loved. You are worthy. You deserve every good thing and more.
Please believe this, the same way you believe the world is round and the sun is hot. Believe it with every fiber of your being, to every depth of your soul. If you don’t already believe it, it is because someone made you believe differently, either through words or deeds or both. Give yourself the gift of self-esteem by using your mind to tell your heart what it needs to hear until your soul absorbs it. You have the right – and obligation (to yourself!) – to define how you feel about yourself in a positive way. Memorize #1. When you wake up in the morning, first be grateful that you have another day to live and make your life what you want it to be. Then say the affirmation. Say it 3, 5 or 10 times a day – as much as you would like to hear it. Do this for 21 days because they say it takes 21 times to create a habit. If you don’t believe it in 21 days do it for an additional 21 days. Don’t miss a day and keep going until it is a firm belief no one can shake. If you miss a day, pick up where you left off. Commit to keep saying it until you truly believe it, and after that say it every so often to remind yourself. If you need someone else to believe it too, know that I believe it. I know it because you were born and this is what you were born with, as sure as the sun is hot, the world is round and rain is wet. If it feels silly, consider that you are giving yourself just a little of the love you lavish on others. Can you give yourself some of that love you give children or a spouse or pets? How amazing does that make you feel? When you feel your spirit starting to lift, double down and start telling yourself I love you, I have your back and I will protect you, always. Then wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a hug. It sounds silly but it feels good. Any negative feelings you have about yourself are because of words that came from someone else’s mouth or because of actions that someone else took. Be your own hero and let these positive words come from your mouth and let this positive action come from you and impact you. Let your mind body and soul speak to your spirit and change who you believe you are at the core. You are taken the power to lift up your own spirit. No more waiting for that knight on a white horse to save a sister — you are doing it for yourself! That is POWER.
- It is not selfish to take care of yourself.
The sun will not fall from the sky if you take a spa day or a few hours to yourself, away from the job, kids, spouse. It releases stress, makes you more pleasant, gives you energy and peace. Those trying to stand in the way of this are selfish and/or trying to control you. No one can breathe for you, go to the bathroom for you or take your place in the universe. No one knows you as well as you know you. You know you need to do this for you. It is as important as seeking medical attention when needed. In fact, it can cause you to need less medical attention. Women are never too busy for the kids, the pets, aging parents or significant others. You can squeeze anything for others into your schedule, so pretend you are just as important – because you are – and squeeze time for yourself into the schedule! Even a few moments can make a difference. I used to park the car and just sit for a few minutes – maybe up to 30 – when I was out with the baby running errands and he fell asleep. Any time the baby is sleeping is potential me time – you don’t have to fill every second with chores!
- You are responsible for you, every aspect of you, for your own happiness, for your own emotional well-being.
No matter who did or said something to you in the past that makes you feel the way you do right now today, you are responsible for getting over that. That is not to say others are not responsible for what they did. They are. But you are responsible for getting past what they did or said or didn’t do or didn’t say. Embrace this because understanding and believing that you are responsible gives you the power to control it rather than being controlled by it. Now that you have the power, use it. If you had a friend who had been through what you went through, what would you say or do to make it better? Would you buy her a bouquet? A greeting card? Say some kind words? Why not do those things for yourself? Try to understand that hurt people hurt others. Whoever hurt you did so because they were hurting. See the person as a child acting out. You don’t have to like the behavior but you can understand it better. And you can start the process of forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t excuse the action. It doesn’t mean you forget the action. It isn’t even about the other person. It’s about you starting the healing process and letting the wound close.
That’s it for now. I hope I’ve said something helpful to someone, somewhere. Once again, Happy International Women’s Day and and Much Success – however you define it!
Be Blessed & Live Happier,